I'm letting myself be used for sex.

It's the only way I feel useful to anyone .
Im afraid of commitment.

It has gotten worse over the last years and a half.

I can't even reveal my thoughts or feelings about my relationship with my closest friends.

Im afraid of myself.
You broke my heart over a million times.

But I'm still not over you.

Why?
15 Facts About Valentine's Day You Should Know

On Valentine's day, women give men chocolate gifts. This is supposed to be an expression of love, courtesy or social obligation. A hand-made chocolate is considered to be a sign that the man who receives it is the woman's "only one."

Starting in 1978, White Day was promoted by the National Confectionary Industry Association. It is supposed to be the answer day to Valentine's. Traditional gifts on this day are cookies, jewelry, white chocolate, white lingerie and marshmallows. The often cited rule is that the gift on this day should be three times as expensive as the one received on Valentine's.

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My mother has end state liver cirrhosis due to alcoholism.

I am 17 and have no one, as I can't live with my father who has done things to make me think he is a danger to me.

I don't know if I even have a year with my mom left.

I don't know what to do.
My friends would yell at me if they knew but..

I miss cutting.

I miss being depressed and wanting to kill myself every day.

I miss it because it was so much easier than trying to make everyone else happy all day, every day.

I'd rather feel worthless than feel like a disappointment.